Just call me Claire. I’m nineteen years old and a college student. However, my story dates back to when I was still in high school. I guess the perfect title for the story of my life would be “You and my best friend.”
My story started when I was a sophomore and I met two good looking guys in my Biology class, Monti and Jason. We were complete strangers in the beginning; we didn’t talk or smile at each other even though we were all in the same group. But we soon realized that we had been put into a situation wherein we either liked each other or else we failed the class.
So we became friends. I remember that the first time we had a real conversation was when Monti cracked a joke to break the ice. Since that day, we became good friends. We would laugh all day at Monti’s silly jokes while Jason would give us mature, matter-of-fact advice. I was very thankful that I had found such good friends whom I thought were just perfect. However, it was not long before I started to feel different.
Monti was the school heartthrob and he was going out with Jane who was a major “babe”. To me, they were a perfect couple. But one night, Monti went to my place depressed. He told me about his problem with Jane. He said he was getting fed up with her nagging. I comforted him and I think I got caught up with him when he began to hug me because it was the first time I ever saw him serious. We were hugging for about half an hour and I let it go on like that because I thought he needed it and partly because I somehow liked the idea.
That night, I felt different; I had a major crush on Monti but I kept it a secret. Jason didn’t know anything about what happened that night and Monti and I pretended that nothing had happened. I think it was just me and my imagination. But, since then, I was conscious of my every movement and felt that every move he made was different. I thought we had an unspoken understanding, but I guess I was wrong.
During our Christmas party, Monti came to me. I didn’t know what to say but I was able to act casually. I thought he was about to clear things between us but instead, he told me that he and Jane were alright and that he’d figured out what was wrong. My heart sank and I was speechless for a second, but I said I was happy for them. I was about to go but he grabbed my hand.
Joe, when I turned to face him, he slowly bent down and kiss me lightly on the lips. We stood there face to face for quite a long time but soon reality returned. I broke into a grin and bid him goodbye.
I was on cloud nine for I knew that at least he cared. Still I hoped for more.
During our short Christmas vacation I waited for a phone call but he never called, not even once. When he didn’t show up a month after our vacation, I found out from his mom that he hadn’t come back from the States.
So Jason and I spent the rest of the days together. I don’t know what go into me, but I felt strange one night when Jason told me that he was planning to court Hazel, another hot babe in school. I suddenly felt bad especially since I knew that Hazel had a thing for Jason since freshman year.
I felt hurt and I didn’t know why. But still, I told him what any other friend would say which was for him to go for it. It hurt more this time than with Monti and I realized that I was falling for Jason. This time it wasn’t just infatuation, it was love.
I hated myself for feeling that way. I didn’t want to fall for another friend of mine so I decided to let go. I pretended that everything was fine, still I couldn’t help but wish that one day he would feel the same towards me.
Monti came back and we were like old friends again. Thank God I was over him, but getting over Jason was impossible. And it hurt to hear that he and Hazel were getting along. I told myself to get on with my life so I started avoiding Jason. I thought that if I was busy I would be able to forget him, but I never did.
One day I bumped into him in the crowded hallway and he asked me what was wrong but I brushed him off. After a year, I decided to make a new circle of friends but this time it would be all girls. It was safer that way.
I met Charmaine and she became my best friend.
We were close for almost a year a half, about the same time that I had been avoiding Jason. I guess he also got tired because he no longer talked to me when we bumped into each other.
Nearing graduation, just when I thought everything would be perfect, Charmaine broke the news that she had a crush on Monti and that they were getting along pretty well. Then after a week, she told me something that made me stop breathing. She was in love with Jason.
A dark cloud passed over me and it hurt even more when Charmaine said that they were going out already. I felt like such a loser. How could she get the only thing I wanted in my life? The pain was immeasurable. Just like the song goes, “You and my best friend.”
I wanted to hate her but I knew it wasn’t fair. I should have told her what had happened before but I didn’t, so I suffered again. As expected, Jason started hanging out with us and I suffered all the more. Although Jason and I would talk, we would never look each other in the eye.
What hurt more was that Charmaine would ask me for help and though I wanted to shut her up, she was still my friend. I tried to forget Jason by going out with Mark. We went steady for two months but I broke it up because I knew that I was cheating him and myself. And just when I started accepting the fact that Jason wasn’t for me, Charmaine told me that it was over for her and Jason. Jason had confessed that he loved someone else.
My friend was deeply hurt and so was I. I told her to forget about him and not to cry anymore, the same way I have been telling myself deep inside. But she couldn’t; she continued loving him and waiting.
Charmaine and I are now studying in the same university. We are still best friends and it had been a year since we heard from Jason. I thought Jason was a thing of the past but one day, he showed up at a party and it started all over again. He started calling Charmaine and I prepared myself for the day that they would get back together again even though the thought tore me apart.
Joe, I never thought it would happen but it did. One night, Jason came to my house and gave me a bunch of flowers. He told me that he loved me and has loved me since the day we became good friends, but could never get the courage to tell me. How I wished that night wouldn’t end.
It was such a long wait but it was worth it. But now, I realize that I still can’t enjoy that piece of heaven because now I have to choose. I had to choose between hurting my friend or hurting Jason. Joe, I love them both. Charmaine is special to me but Jason makes me feel special. What will I do, Joe? I’m confused and afraid to hurt someone because I know how it feels to be hurt.
Please help me.
When we get ourselves tangled in the web of conflicting desires and emotions, we would either find ourselves victorious or defeated.
Victorious when we find our way out in one piece. Defeated when we are left hanging and hurting in the end.
You always seem to find yourself in a predicament when you realize you should have let someone know how you felt before it was too late. You silently cried for Monti but I’m glad it’s over now because you were never more than a friend to him.
You have allowed Jason to slip off your arms because you were afraid to let him know what the real score was. You were too scared to face the fact that you were hurting because you have learned to love the man who told you he’s attracted to someone else.
But now things have turned in your favor. Are you or are you not taking the chance to be with that man who was once lost and now is back? The question of hurting your best friend is difficult to answer because you know how painful it was seeing Jason with her. Now that you have the chance to take her place, you are afraid that your best friend might just be as hurt as you were.
Claire, I believe you have suffered long enough. Now you have to make a stand. For once in your life, never be afraid to face your own fear. Follow your heart and find happiness in the little things that make this life a joy to live. If Charmaine is a real friend, she’ll remain one even if she loses Jason to you.
Remember, you deserve to be happy for you already had your share of tears and frustrations in life. Be thankful that you have found what you once lost and hope and pray that it will keep forever.